I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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