There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
