just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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