she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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