I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
