we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
