i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
