you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
