Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
