she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
