mondays should just be called national damage control day
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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