please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
