You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize