Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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