So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
