Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize