He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
