like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
