Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
