but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I'm really busy with my period
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