Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
