I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize