i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
