i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
