You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize