booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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