i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
