I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
