i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
