Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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