What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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