i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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