Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize