I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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