I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
