question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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