I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
