You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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