you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
