Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize