It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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