After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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