I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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