I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
