I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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