It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
