So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
