half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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