I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
