And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
