i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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