dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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