I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
