Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
