He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
