I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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