I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
