I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
