When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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