If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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