i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
