i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
