Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize