I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
