her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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