we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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