I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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