I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
