so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We left an ass print on the piano.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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