New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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