a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize