I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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