Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
