i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
