I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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